


pondering

by orphan_account



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Family Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Original Character(s), au where natsume is actually HAPPY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:47:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24120820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: he has no idea what the biological son of the fujiwara couple is like. it keeps natsume pondering.or:fujiwara yuuta is natsume's new big brother.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 105





	pondering

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SkyGem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyGem/gifts).



> based on [this adorable prompt](https://skygemspeaks.tumblr.com/post/189576075488/au-where-the-fujiwaras-already-have-a-biological) by skygemspeaks on tumblr!

Faded photographs of school trips and beach hangouts were crudely tacked to a section of the wall, a likely attempt ( as Natsume deduced correctly) to cover up the red crayon scribbles that had violated the cream-colored wallpaper. The closet was filled with neatly folded t-shirts, one size too big for himself, and the bookshelf in the corner was filled top to bottom with dusty soccer trophies and well-worn comic books. Over everything the faint scent of dust lingered dully. This was Fujiwara Yuuta’s bedroom.

_“Sorry for the clutter,”_ Touko had apologized, looking quite flustered. _“He couldn’t fit all his things in his dorm so we had to- well, we could always move his things into the attic, can’t we? Would you like that? And oh- we could always repaint the walls too…”_

But Natsume didn’t mind. Life is in this room, or at least the evidence of it. There was something…comforting about the lingering traces of the boy who once called this room his own. In the yearbooks that the Fujiwaras had brought out to show him, Natsume peered at the sparkly-eyed, dark-haired teen with the wide grin and felt as though he had known him his whole life — odd as it made him feel. But no so odd as he thought, for Yuuta’s presence was _everywhere_ — in the framed certificates and awards hanging in the foyer, in the shiny red bicycle sitting idly in the corner of the garage, and even at dinner when it was just the three of them over Touko’s sukiyaki. Whenever the couple reminisced about their carefree son and the trouble he had got himself into, Natsume liked to imagine that Yuuta was sitting there beside him, listening.

_“Oh, I worry so much about what that boy is eating,”_ Touko mused.  
_“You see, Yuuta always had the bad habit of snacking before dinner,”_ Shigeru sighed. _“I hope he’s learned how to at least cook for himself while he’s there.”_  


Natsume took a small bite of beef and pondered. At his feet lay Nyanko-sensei, who stayed quiet amidst the whole exchange. The boy was vaguely aware that the cat was listening, and that Nyanko could somehow sense his thoughts.

_“What do you think, Nyanko-sensei?”_ he had asked his feline companion later that night, long after he had brushed his teeth and gone to bed - in the bed that used to be Yuuta’s. Shigeru and Touko had gone to sleep hours ago, and it was in the wee hours of the night that Natsume was able to sort out his thoughts in the darkness. _“What do you think Yuuta was really like?”_

_“If he comes back to visit and they decide they don’t need a substitute for their real son anymore, maybe we’ll see,”_ Nyanko had replied in his curtly way. He likely meant nothing callous by it, but once again, Natsume found himself pondering.

. . .

It was the same at school. Natsume again found Yuuta in the tales his seniors told him of the boy’s shenanigans, some totally typical of what Natsume imagined a popular kid’s would be like, others much more absurd. The teachers would give an exasperated sigh whenever they asked him about the boy’s well-being. _“That kid…he wasn’t a bad student, but any stirring up of trouble could always be traced back to him.”_ Practically everyone had something to say to Natsume about Yuuta.

_“Fujiwara Yuuta? That guy was definitely troublesome. Fun to hang with, but troublesome.”_  
_“Remember when he pranked Homura-sensei by placing that fake spider on her chair?”_  
_“Yuuta was a total hottie! I wish I could’ve confessed to him before he graduated…”_  


Natsume would smile at the thought of having a cool, popular troublemaker of a brother. Nishimura would ask, _“Aren’t you tired of being in his shadow?”_ But truthfully, Natsume didn’t mind. It gave him a sense of belonging, like he really was this boy’s brother, even if the small voices in the back of his mind whispered _No, it’s just a ruse - you’re only playing house._

Even if what Nyanko-sensei had told him that night still haunted him slightly.

. . .

_“Is it really okay If I have it?”_ Natsume had questioned, eyeing the bicycle reluctantly. It was obviously well-cared for, with colorful stickers and tags stuck on the spokes and handles. It looked as if it hadn’t been ridden in a long time, and Natsume needed a bicycle to go places, and of course the Fujiwaras wouldn’t mind…would they?

_You’re not so bold as to take his place, are you? Don’t assume that you’d be allowed to-_

But Shigeru had rushed to pull the bicycle out from under the boxes and garden tools, and two hours later Natsume and Shigeru were oiling and shining it. _“These tires need some air…where did I put that air pump…ah, Natsume! We could give it a few upgrades, don’t you think?”_

To the boy, it felt like repairing something together with one’s real father. Shigeru offered to peel the stickers off, and by Wednesday, Natsume’s bright red bicycle was parked outside the school building.

After that, the doubting whispers in the back of his mind quieted down for quite a while. 

. . .

…Until a few weeks later, when they practically started screaming in his ears. Natsume could feel the sweat trickling down his back, and it wasn’t because of the July heat. He was standing there next to Shigeru at Hitoyoshi Station, Nyanko perched on his shoulder, all three of them waiting for the train from Tokyo to arrive. Once in a while Natsume craned his neck to read the sign on the approaching train — some came from Nagoya, Hamamatsu, and Yokohama, but none came from Tokyo. He didn’t know why he was so eager to meet this famed son of the Fujiwaras’, but Nyanko suggested that it was actually anxiety — and not the good kind. 

He was right to an extent; every time the doors to a train opened, Natsume anticipated what would happen next: Yuuta would step off…he’d catch a glimpse of his father and happily greet him, but his smile would fade as he turned to look at the unremarkable boy who’d replaced his role as son, and the smile would slowly morph into a pronounced frown…

_If he comes back to visit and they decide they don’t need a substitute for their real son anymore, maybe we’ll see._

It had been about six hours since they left for the station. The platform was almost empty of any waiting commuters except for the three. The feline on Natsume’s shoulder was getting restless. “Natsume, after this you’re getting me five sticks of dango, aren’t you? Oh, and melonpan! You owe me melonpan!” 

“Quiet down, sensei,” Natsume hushed him, glancing over his shoulder to see if Shigeru had heard. “And I don’t owe you any dango. You decided yourself to tag along.” Anxiety had made Natsume irritable.

“Perhaps I got the time wrong…” Shigeru muttered, squinting at the watch on his wrist. “I’m sorry, Natsume,” sighed he, “his train is probably scheduled for tomorrow. Let’s head back-”

_“Train arriving. Please steer clear of the opening doors.”_

The man was taller than Natsume expected, with dark brown hair, Shigeru’s features, and Touko’s shining eyes. It was as if it was all happening in slow motion. Fujiwara Yuuta in the flesh — the gregarious, mischievous kid with his ripped jeans and gray backpack stepped onto the platform, his almond eyes scanning the sea of faces for anyone familiar. Yuuta’s eyes flicked towards Natsume’s direction, and for a split second they made eye contact. Natsume gulped as the arrival weaved through the crowd of passengers, still in slow motion, closer and closer, the excited smile on his face fading…his eyes narrowing…his lips mouthing the words _“Who are you?”_

Yuuta was directly in front of him now. Natsume came up to Yuuta’s neck, but to the nervous boy it was like gazing up at a skyscraper. Natsume cringed; he could feel the other man’s gaze on him, and he dreaded what kind of expression was on Yuuta’s face at that moment. The voices in his head were chanting loudly, mocking him in his ears.

“Ah, Yuuta! Oh, how we’ve missed you-”  
_They miss him. But not you, once they ask you to leave._  
“Heh! Happy to be home, dad! Is this guy-”  
_“This guy” is his cheap replacement._  
“This is Natsume Takashi, the one we’ve told you about-”  
_The one that will disappoint them once they find out._  


Natsume braced himself.

And was swept up into a huge bear hug such as he had never known.

“Oh my god. Oh my god! So you’re the kid my parents keep blabbing to me about on the phone! I’m Yuuta- it’s so awesome to finally meet you- oh my god, I’ve always wanted a little bro-”

Natsume didn’t know what to make of the way Yuuta practically crushed his shoulder blades with how he was grasping him, or the excited, breathless tone of his voice. Yuuta was very skilled in keeping eye contact with Natsume, who usually averted others’ gazes. Natsume could sense Nyanko-sensei on his shoulder smirking, as if to say, _Now we know._

“Like, I already knew about my parents taking in someone, but I was already settled into college before you came, so I never got to properly greet you, but better now than never right? I was thinking maybe that you wouldn’t be happy to see me, and I was so worried I’d give off the wrong impression, so-” and on and on and on.

Shigeru was probably worried about making a spectacle in the middle of Hitoyoshi Station, for he was already dragging his very animated son towards the parking lot, Natsume and Nyanko trailing behind. 

“Quite different than you expected, huh?” Nyanko-sensei remarked once the other two were out of earshot. 

“Yeah.” Natsume whispered absentmindedly, his shoulders still slightly hurting, his heart still fluttering, but with a huge weight he didn’t notice he had been carrying rolling off his back like a wave. _He…liked me. He was excited to see me…!_

. . .

Yuuta was evidently tired and was much quieter on the car ride home. Natsume studied him from the back as Yuuta napped in the front seat. _He really does resemble Touko-san and Shigeru-san,_ he mused. _He looks kind and friendly just like them._ His beaming smile made Natsume’s heart swell with fondness; his laugh was hearty, his voice was loud and warm. Finally, the boy in the yearbooks and photo albums and amusing anecdotes had become real. 

“Oh, Yuuta!” Touko came out running to meet the boys in the front yard. “Mom! I’m home!” Yuuta spread his arms and gave his mother one of his bear hugs. “I hope you’ve cooked lots, I’m starving- aren’t you starving, Taka-kun?”

_A nickname!?_ Natsume paused, registering what Yuuta had just called him. No one had ever given Natsume a nickname that wasn’t meant to mock him. “This Fujiwara boy is full of surprises,” Nyanko muttered under his breath. 

“Come inside, you three! I made a bunch of Yuuta’s favorites! Oh, you must be exhausted, let’s all eat dinner before you settle in…”

. . .

Natsume no longer had to pretend that Yuuta was next to him at dinner, for the real one made his presence known as he chatted incessantly about college life. It was obvious that Yuuta had already made a reputation for himself even in university — Touko’s shocked gasps and Shigeru’s exasperated sighs were hard evidence. Natsume sat there quiet as always, focusing on the food before him and making no point to butt in the conversation. His ears perked when he heard his name mentioned during the exchange, however.

“I feel like I already know everything about you, Taka-kun,” Yuuta commented between bites. “Literally every conversation on the phone was ‘Natsume this,’ ‘Natsume that’ — that’s all they’d tell me about! And they were so worried about you too.”

“Really?” Natsume squeaked, turning his startled gaze towards Touko and Shigeru. 

“We were afraid you felt like you didn’t fit in…like you were living in Yuuta’s shadow.” Shigeru confessed, a ghost of a sad smile on his face. Touko reached for her husband’s hand as she gazed at the two boys. “We worried for your health too.”

“But I told you, as long as you raise him like you did me, it’ll be alright! But it seems you’re totally okay, aren’t you, Taka-kun?” Yuuta chirped.

“…I really do feel grateful...”

Yuuta gave Natsume a quizzical glance when he said this, and for a moment Natsume fretted if he had said something wrong. 

“Exactly what I expected my quiet little brother to say.” That grin again. “Ugh, and after I kept myself up last night worrying you wouldn’t like me! Man, was I stupid.”

. . .

In just five hours Natsume learned what his seniors and teachers had to deal with. Yuuta was a bit boisterous and talkative, but overwhelmingly amiable and doting. After dinner Yuuta practically dragged Natsume to the nearest convenience store to buy ice pops. “Since you’re my little brother now, I’ve got to be a good big brother, right?” he had told him. And of course, where snacks were involved, Nyanko stalked behind.

Once again Natsume found himself pondering. He had never expected the boy whose role he had replaced to be so eager to befriend him. As the two boys — brothers, Natsume dared to assume — stood outside the convenience store licking the orange-flavored ice pops, Yuuta made casual conversation with him, and for the first time in his life speaking with another came as naturally to him as it did any other normal person. The older boy looked straight into Natsume’s eyes when he spoke, and didn’t seem to mind if Natsume averted his gaze or lapsed into mumbling. As they walked back home at dusk shoulder to shoulder, Natsume felt quite done with doubting — the two were brothers, brothers their whole lives despite meeting that very day. Natsume looked back and smiled softly at Nyanko-sensei, who was slinking lazily behind and barely catching up to their strides. 

“That’s a pretty snarky cat,” came Yuuta’s offhanded remark. Natsume did a double take. “I’m sorry- what? You think the cat can talk?”

“Well yeah! You yourself talk to him, don’t you? I’ve heard what he’s said about me.” 

Natsume’s gaze snapped back to the fat feline, who was now returning the same startled expression that was on Natsume’s face. “Um…well, I-”

“Oh come, you think I didn’t notice? His name is Nyanko-chan right? Oi, Nyanko-chan!” Yuuta turned to pick Nyanko-sensei up, much to the cat’s annoyance. 

“Uh, actually, he-”  
“Don’t you think he eats way too much for a cat?”  
“Nyanko-sensei doesn’t like being called-”  


“Are you suggesting I’m _overweight?”_ Nyanko-sensei snapped. Natsume cringed; so much for not blowing their cover. He looked over to Yuuta, worried that he would recoil in shock, or even worse, disgust.

But Yuuta threw his head back and laughed. “Yep! He definitely talks!”  
“Uh, y-yeah, and he says some pretty snide remarks too…”  


Nyanko wrested himself from Yuuta’s arms and plopped back to the ground with a hmph, scowling at Yuuta all the while. 

“I didn’t know you could talk to animals, Taka-kun.” Yuuta gave Natsume a long look. “I’ve never met anyone quite like you.”

_You’re right,_ Natsume thought to himself as they resumed walking. He told himself he was done with doubting, but he couldn’t help wondering if it were a good thing - not being quite like anyone else.

. . .

His answer came to him the next Monday, only six days before Yuuta went back for university. 

Natsume had been extra careful, especially now that Yuuta was around. He had picked a time and place where no one could notice him — the dilapidated playground two blocks away at dusk. He would rather spend more time with his big brother than release another name, but as always, youkai were impatient and quite troublesome to deal with. He checked his surroundings multiple times; it would be bad if someone caught him seemingly talking to himself. 

“Well, human boy? I am not to sit here forever!” The youkai huffily demanded.

“Just wait a moment, would you?” 

One last glance — then Natsume took the page between his lips, inhaled, and exhaled. The youkai thanked him and disappeared, and he once again found himself collapsed on the grass. He stayed there for a while, taking in the sounds of the chirping crickets, breathing in the summer air…

“Takashi?”

At the sound of his name, Natsume’s eyes shot wide open. Yuuta was hovering above him, peering into his face with a confused and slightly worried look. _Oh, no._

“Yuuta!” Natsume stood up and wiped the dirt from his pants, trying (and failing) to sound casual, like he was just laying there daydreaming, no weird conversations with himself, no staring off into space, nothing-

“Who were you talking to? Are you okay? I rushed over as soon as I saw you collapse!”

“I- I can explain…” Natsume started slowly. But really, what explanation could he give to Yuuta that wouldn’t make him sound completely insane? If he told him the truth, Yuuta would never want to speak to him again. 

“First talking cats, then I catch my little brother talking to ghosts…” Yuuta ran a hand through his hair, a contemplative look on his face. Natsume could see that the other didn’t know what to make of it. _Good job, Takashi. You’ve gone and ruined everything._

__“That is so fucking cool.”_ _

__

If Nyanko-sensei had been there, he would have totally guffawed at that comment. For the umpteenth time Yuuta startled Natsume. The younger boy blinked. “W-what?”

__

“That’s so crazy! Like, I’ve tried my _whole entire life_ to communicate with ghosts, but people always called me crazy for it. I gotta say I’m jealous, Taka-kun!”

__

“What?” _Can’t I say anything else besides “what”?_  
“How come you can see them but I can’t? That’s so unfair! Much less talk to them…I mean there are ouija boards, spirit boxes, all kinds of stuff! But no one has successfully communicated with them- but you, you were able to-”  


__

Yuuta didn’t call him a freak. He didn’t run away. He didn’t accuse him of being insane. Instead, this chatty university student, the lively biological son of his foster parents, who dubbed himself his “older brother”, was gushing to Natsume about… _communicating with ghosts?_

__

“They- that wasn’t a ghost I was talking to.” Natsume heard himself speak the words aloud.  
“Huh?”  
“They’re called _youkai,_ and they can get annoying at times, but I’m the only one who can return their names.”  
“Youkai? Return their names…?”  


__

“With this book.” Natsume handed Yuuta the Book of Friends, noting the fact that he was just letting the words spill from his mouth, and that his hands weren’t shaking at all.

__

And thus, Natsume entrusted his life secret to Fujiwara Yuuta on a Monday evening in July. How amazing it felt, Natsume realized, to be able to trust someone, to look another in the eye and not sense any concern or suspicion in their gaze. Yuuta always kept Natsume pondering.

. . .

Once Saturday rolled around, the time for Yuuta to return to Tokyo came as well. This was supposedly a 20-year old college kid studying for a degree, but as they said their goodbyes at the station, Yuuta clung to Natsume like a toddler too afraid to go to preschool. 

__

_“I don’t want to gooooo,”_ Yuuta whined. “I want to stay with you guys! I literally _just_ met you, Taka-kun!” 

__

“Now now, you have to catch up with your studies,” Touko said, although tears were welling in her brown eyes. “And besides, I think Natsume will enjoy the peace and quiet once again.”

__

“I’ll write to you, maybe,” Natsume reassured his brother as he smiled down fondly at him. Yuuta’s arms were wrapped tightly around his waist (it was slightly suffocating), and he was looking up at Natsume with big baby animal eyes. “Okay,” he replied with a pout. “But you! Don’t be afraid to call me!”

__

“You behave yourself,” Shigeru said sternly. “But we expect a phone call Sunday night!”

__

At last Natsume detached Yuuta from his body, like peeling off a sticker. When Yuuta stepped onto the train, he turned to give Natsume one last look as the doors closed. 

__

“You’re secret’s safe with me, little bro.”  
Natsume grinned. “I know. See you soon, Yuuta nii-san.”  


__

On the way home, Natsume once again mulled over everything that had happened the past two weeks. He mulled over secrets, and stories, and families, and brothers, and how absolutely wonderful it was that he had a home where he finally belonged. 

__

“What’s on your mind, Natsume?” Touko asked.

__

“Nothing…just how cool it would be if I officially became _Fujiwara Takashi."_


End file.
